Wrapping Paper

I am really annoyed this year with wrapping paper.

Why might you ask? What has wrapping paper done to you?

Well, I hate trying to cut the tape that comes on the wrapping paper without ripping the wrapping paper.

So far I have been unsuccessful at this.

Why not just slide the wrapping paper in a plastic wrap to hold it together WITHOUT tape??

Maybe I should go green and not wrap presents this year and just hand gifts in the bag it came in.

On the 10th Day of December...

On the 10th day of December my true love gave me to me...10 new calluses on my feet (from running).
Nine broken pencils I picked up on the floor.
Eight Peanut M&Ms I keep eating out of the front office.
Seven pairs of underwear found under the bed from Josie.
Six towels I have to fold.
Five chapters I've read in The Time Traveler's Wife
Four students who had silent lunch.
Three buses full of kids heading to the State Museum (but turned into 2 crammed buses).
Two hours of Private Practice.
And a kiss goodbye.

On the second and third day of December...

My true love gave to me...

Three buses full of kids heading to the State Museum
Two hours of Private Practice
And a kiss goodbye.

We're heading to the state museum tomorrow. Lord help me. It's gonna be fun.

On the first day of December...

My true love gave to me... A kiss goodbye! (I know it's not December quite yet but it's close)

I hate saying goodbye to people in general. I especially hate it when I'm having to tell Josh "adios" every weekend. I REALLY hate it when we spend a long weekend together, like this past weekend and we have to part ways for another week. Distance does make the heart grow fonder.

I also got the chance to see my Pila. She's crazy. I promised her a trip to FL in December. Maybe she'll cook her "delicious" Ranchero Huevos. Actually, I've never had them...never been brave enough to try them. Now, my Papi's eggs--I can eat those up like there is no tomorrow. But none the less, she'll cook up something amazing.

Thanksgiving was fun but busy. Only 3 more weeks till Christmas break...

He pulled a quick one

This past Saturday my roommate Christina got engaged to her best friend Will. Words cannot express how excited and happy I am for them. I thought something was up because Will had been making comments and giving me strange looks all Saturday morning. When I asked him why he didn't tell me he said because he knew I wouldn't be able to lie to Christina. (Note: She can get ANYTHING out of me. I can't lie to her) So. Saturday afternoon they called me from the lake tell me the big news. They said my voice went up 3 octaves (and I'm sure the neighbors heard me). Will did good keeping it a secret from both us.

So here's to Will and Christina. Congrats guys! I can't wait till we decide where to go for the honeymoon!

(Totally kidding...)

Hello November!

Can I tell you how excited I am fall is here?

I am not your typical summer gal. Call me crazy. I mean, I love laying out by the pool and wearing my skirts and flip flops. However, I never feel my best during the summer because I am off for 3 months doing nothing. Some people lose weight because they have more time to exercise. Nope, not me. I gain it because I sleep till 11.

I do love fall and winter. I love that it's cooler! I'm a sucker for gloves, scarves, and hats. And do I need to mention my collection of peacoats? (FYI, I have , cream, red, black, brown, pink/white...and I'm working on a fun orange peacoat) Then just my ordinary jackets. I love wearing my cowboy boots and shuffling around in my Danskos. I don't have to worry about being tanned. And girls, let's be honest, we don't have to shave every day.

The only down fall of fall and winter is recess. It can get quite chilly outside for 30 minutes. Thus, I have decided to break recess in sections--15 minutes at a time. I enjoy the cold but not sitting on the cold hard tables at recess for 30 minutes. Plus, the kids start complaining about how cold it is.

Fall means Gatlinburg trips, mountain trips, and Turkey Day! Winter, is well, special because of Christmas of course, my 2 weeks off, and drum roll please...my birthday!! Except this year, we go back to school on my birthday. I just realized however that that day is a Teacher Workday so at least we will be able to go out to eat that day at school.

I know I'm getting way ahead of myself about fall and winter. But I am just super stoked about the cool weather.

I am NOT excited about me getting sick because the sun can't decide if we wants to stay out and bring warm weather or hide and bring cool weather. Make up your mind sun because one more bottle of cough syrup and I'll be in Rehab.

Laundry is Ridiculous

I decided to stay in tonight and catch up on some laundry.

oh my word.

My hamper was a bottomless pit of clothes. I found several pants that I've been looking for. I found some of my fav long sleeved t-shirts. All my workout clothes were stuck at the bottom. My floor is piled high with clothes. I would take pictures but then you would see my underwears. And that's for private eyes only. (wink wink)

However, I did pack up my "summery" clothes. That's a plus and accomplishment right? The sad thing is because I waited so late to do laundry I don't really have any clean clothes for tomorrow. Don't stand too close to me.

Also, that Lamas show on E! is retarded.

Time Flies

When you're not ALWAYS having fun. I have been swamped the last few weeks. Well, since I started school. My schedule includes waking up with the roosters to hit the gym, school, tutoring, then maybe gym again. Throw in grad school somewhere in the midst of that and trying to have a social life.

I think one of the biggest struggles I've had thus far this year is connecting with my students. This is just an interesting group of students. I have enjoyed them but I really took for granted my students from last year. I just hope that I can connect with them on some level, at some point. It's difficult going from class to class and adjusting to new students. We'll get there at some point.

On another note, I have been boot campin' it up hard core lately. So far I've lost 14 pounds. I'm back down to my old size. I would really be happy if I lost 6 more pounds. But Josh and I had a discussion tonight. Ladies, I want know what you think about this. We went to Concord Mills to shop for some new jeans for me since all my old pairs are insanely too big. We went to Gap, where I normally buy my jeans and I found a pair that I liked. Plus, it was just good to try on my old jean size. Then, Josh suggested we try Levi jeans since I've never worn that brand before. I tried on 4 different styles of Levi jeans and I walked out frustrated. Here's the problem: when you put on their jeans, it says "loose on the hips, perfect for the waist." It lies. It's not perfect for the waist. Their mid-rise jeans sit right above my crotch. When you're buttoning the jeans, it squeezes the belly and pushes it up, which lends to a major muffin top (I had to explain and show this to Josh). I'm sorry but the last time I checked, that's what we DON'T want it to happen. So not only did it cause me to have a muffin top, but my Colombian butt would not fit into the butt part of the patns. The pants had to push it down and make it even more uncomfortable. Josh suggested I go up a size. O HECK NO. I told him that defeats the purpose of buying new jeans. He didn't understand-according to Josh if they don't fit go up a size. Technically that makes sense. But to me, it's all about the number (well for right now at least). I told him I worked hard at losing my weight and keeping it off. I did not want to buy my old jean size. He said that different companies are going to have different sizes and make their pants different. I agree but I refuse to buy jeans at this point that are going to have my old jean size on them. I told him it was a psychological thing- I wanted to wear jeans that said my new size. Does this make sense? We then went to Old Navy and I was able to wear my new jean size there too. So, as far as I am concerned, I am not going to wear Levi jeans any time soon. Not when I'll have to result to my old "size" just because they chose to make their jeans smaller.

I'm off my soap box now. I'll try to update more often. May not be elaborate posting but it'll be something right?

Skoolin' It Up

School has been in full swing the last couple of weeks. Fortunatelly we had a break this week with a four day break due to Labor Day--yes! It's been a crazy but good start of the year. I think this year is going to be "different." And each year is different along with each day, which is what I love about my job. But you know it's going to be "different" from the first week of school. I really miss my kids from last year but I'm determined to have a great year. As I thought about last year, I thought about what made me "love" the beginning of the year and school.

I love the eager faces of students. Even the biggest trouble makers are ready for a new start.

I love new school clothes, squeaky new tennis shoes, and cute little bows. I love watching to see what the students wear, coordinate their outfits, and proudly show off their new outfits. I've seen bright yellow Nikes that could serve as a night road flare it's so bright to curled ribbons in a little girl's hair.

I love how it's a new start for everyone. If a child had a rough year last year, it's a new beginning. If a child had a bad summer, it's a new beginning and start. It's a new start for teachers. Wipe away last year's trouble and exhaustions. Start over!

I love setting up the classroom. I enjoy redecorating it and moving things around. The possibilities are endless...

I love throwing myself back into my job at the end of the summer. I get so bored after a month of summer vacation that I look forward to starting back. Mrs. Means finds me up at the school around mid-July preparing and getting ready with her telling me, "Don't burnout on me!!" But alas, I am only getting warmed up.

Lastly, I love getting to know the personalities and mixes of my students. Each one is different with crazy ideas, thoughts, sayings, beliefs, and soooo innocent. It took me about a week or so to warm up to them but now they are slowly molding themselves into our classroom. I love how they get so excited when we make "metamorphic rocks" and how they get me excited about making them too! I love playing kickball with them and racing down the slides. These are the memories I wish I could video tape daily.

What did you always love about school??

S.L.U.T.S.

No I don't mean the trash that walks around Howard St in Spartanburg. Or those girls in high school that bend over with their thong hanging out, which are notoriously known for giving it up at the drop of a hat.

I mean Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress.

I found this saying at The Lady & Sons in Savannah, GA. I bought the koozie at Paula Deen's place. I love it! Because it describes me to a tee. Especially for the next couple of weeks.

With me facing two more weeks till school starts, I have things I have to check off in my head that I need to get done. I like to make lists but rarely do I actually "check things off."

I still want a vacation with just me and Josh. We have yet to venture off by ourselves for the weekend to just relax. Any suggestions?

There are still some things I want get for the classroom but that can high be taken care of in one afternoon with be running all over Spartanburg.

A NEW TIRE. Freakin' a. Every time I turn around I gotta get a new tire. Which reminds me I got to call Discount Tire to find out if they have my tire I need. I mean, my rims or "shoes" are just so big that they have to special order a tire for me. Humorous right? I think so.

Re organize my closet so it's set and ready for the school year. My shoes have just piled up and my clothes are a jumbled mess hanging or stacked on my t-shirt drawer.

Take care of some minor bills. Boo.

Seems like there is more to do. But I know in the next couple of weeks I don't need to be a S.L.U.T.S. I need to be a Southern Lady With No Worries. What acronym is that? S.L.W.N.W.? Um that's not as catchy. Anyways, I just know when school starts one of my classes for grad school will be ending so it's going to be a train wreck.

But it's all in how you manage it too I guess. I start Boot Camp this week or as Scott likes to say, "Booty Camp." I'm excited but really nervous because I know it is going to take a toll on my body. So that's one stress reliever. When I worked at Carowinds, Amanda and I had a punching clown bag in our office. When you punched it, it would pop back up. We always gave it a good punch when we were called down to HR to an interview that would be pointless or into the park to lead the mexicans around to their respectful working positions. I might have to invest in another one of those.


Lord help me.

I got shagged

I went off on a hunt today for another rug for my classroom. I went to Old Time Pottery and found the perfect rug.

An orange shag rug.

Normally I hate shag rugs because the thought of vaccuming them, but Josh loves them. He wants a whole room covered in shag.

But today, I caved in and bought the shag rug. It'll be super nice under neath my feet this year in the classroom. I'm sooo excited!!

What Comes Next?

Warning: This is a rambling deep post that may not make any sense to you what-so-ever.

Do you ever think about life after you die? I don't mean as in an "after life." But what will happen when I am dead and gone? I know the stories of Heaven and Hell and what it will take for me to have a place in Heaven. I'm not talking about just dying. I'm talking after everything is gone--Jesus has come back and taken us who belongs, and then there's those that were left.

What happens to them? What happens to the world?

I read the Rapture books when I was in middle school and those were pretty real to me. But will God just wipe out the Earth and have a new one? It's hard for my head to wrap around the concept of us not being HERE on Earth. Will God create a new one, or will we just go to Heaven? After we leave this earth, this is it. No more. Its eternity.

I almost feel like my life is a movie. That it's just playing. No pausing, no rewinding, no fast forward. And I feel like I'm just watching it happen. And that it's going to end, and I'm going to wake up and continue on with whatever I was doing. Does God think like that sometimes? That He's watching our lives like a movie, with the ticker count down on the side of how much more we have left on this earth?

It scares me. It really does. I've been thinking about this for a while now. Of life ending and what's to come. Sometimes I think I'm not going to live long enough to have kids...or see grandkids...or just grow old. I feel like Jesus is going to return. Then it's almsot like, "Ok here's my life. I need to make the most of it because I'm not coming back." I'm not saying I dread Heaven or anything like that, but this is what God has given me. Am I making the most with it as I should be?

No.

Does this make me drop to my knees, and pray for redemption?

No.

What's wrong with me? I've just had some serious thoughts going through my mind lately. With all these "little signs" that things are coming to an end that the Bible has predicted is freaking me out. I won't even watch the show on Discovery Channel or whatever it is about what will happen to the Earth after there are no more people. That scares the crapola out of me. It's almost like if I face these things, I have to come with grips that it is coming to end.

But I don't want it to. There's so much more I want, and need to do. God, I am not ready.

Back to School Shopping

You know you're a nerd teacher when you get SUPER EXCITED about shopping for school supplies.

Especially when you see the $1 and .25 cent bin at Wal-Mart.

Throw 2 Third Grade teachers in there (on a budget), and it is ON.

Needless to say, Valen and I tackled Wal-Mart today. They were putting out their "school supplies" on "sale" today, and what do you know? We just happened to be there as they were doing it!

I mean come on, 2 Elmer Glue sticks for .25 cents? Love it.

Crayola Markers for $1? AMAZING.

Crayola 24 pack of Crayons for .25 cents? FaBuLoUs!

Bold Markers for .70 cents? Even better.

And.....GERM-X for .88 cents? Wow. I'm in Heaven.

Tomorrow I'm hitting Office Depot because according to Valen, they had some goooood stuff. This makes me excited about preparing for the school year.

Maveric

One of the big things I love about summer (and not having another part time job) is that I can spend time with Maveric. Maveric is like my nephew because I have a feeling Jason will not be fathering any kids, any time soon. When I moved to Duncan I cried and cired because I realized how less I would see of him.

Well, every Wednesday this summer I told India I would take care of him because she works on Wednesdays. I'm super excited.

Today is our first day together. So far we have played with toy cars and ate Nutty Butty Bars for breakfast (the Chocolate Peanut Butter Breakfast for Champions). Which the toy cars means "Let's see how many toy cars we can balance on Jessa's head!!" This could be dangerous.

Running on No Sleep

Image by pillowhead designs via Flickr

If you know anything about me you know I'm an avid sleeper. I take naps and when I my head hits the pillow I am out like a light.

For some reason, I have not been sleeping at night. It's not because I've been taking naps because I haven't been. And I know I've slept later than usual the last few weeks because of not having to get up at 5:30 AM but I still fight sleep, or the lack of it when I go to bed. There have been several mornings when I look at the clock and it's 2 AM. I just toss and turn all night. I can't figure out what my deal is and I hate it. Even at Josh's it takes me forever to fall asleep and I don't sleep at all during the night.

I ready to make best friends with my pillow soon.

Random Quote

"In their own lives teachers must bridge the gap between school and society and play some part in the fashioning of those great common purposes which should bind the two together. "

George Counts

Posting and Papers

Image by shindohd via Flickr

I normally love writing. I have always been a big writer and journaler (is that a word?) Hence my blog even though sometimes it's not that entertaining.

But that is considered "creative writing." But give me a topic and telpl me to reference it and explain or discuss something and it stinks. I don't have that formal writing in me. I absolutely hate it. I hate being formal because that's just too much thought to put into one paper.

For my master's class we have to do "formal" posting with references on a certain topic Dr. T gives us a week. Then every other week we have papers to write. I dread it. I've done decent in the class on my papers and posting making mostly As and some Bs but ughhhhh I dread it.

Hence why I am procrastinating by doing a post here on my blog instead of my class...that's due today...and a paper due Sunday. I'm out.

Finish the Sentence

My ex...: is married
Maybe I should...: exercise tomorrow
I love...: sleeping
People would say that I'm...: sarcastic
I don't understand...: rude people
When I wake up in the morning...: I roll over
Life is full of...: adventures
My past is...: crazy dramatic
Parties are...: either extremely funny or extremely horrid
I wish...: I could pay off my debt
Tomorrow...: another lazy day
I have low tolerance...: for rudeness
I am totally terrified of...: snakes

Porch Sit

Image by ni dieu ni maître! via Flickr

Can I tell you that I love to porch sit?

I think this interest in "porch sitting" came when I was a senior at WU and we would sit on the porch at night on good ole North Wilson Street--the house that was one side ghetto and the other side campus. Alli and I would sit and talk (half the time me in a t-shirt and underwear which completely embarassed Alli) or the stupid games we would play ($10 inflatable kid games at Target are the best). Not to mention Alli's obsession one night trying to jump the steps by taking a running head start. Or the night some of Emily's sorority sisters broke into the house at the back and was throwing shoes at us on the porch which caused Emily and I to jump the porch and land in those stupid bushes which caused many bruises and scrapes. And of course I would sit out there and read in the hammock chair.

When I moved back home I missed the porch. Mom has a screened in porch but what fun is it to sit on the porch by yourself? Plus it's normally cluttered with pool stuff throughout the year.

The other day I went over to Lisa's and porch sat with her while it was raining. I had so much fun. Then last Saturday I did porch sit with Jenny, Natalie, and Josh while it was storming. It was so nice, cooling, and relaxing. Made me miss the porch. (I've noticed the last few times it's been raining while I porch sat. Dunno what that means)

Well now I have a porch back! I went off to Ingles and found me 2 lounge chairs (pink and orange) to sit in. We also have put our small little plants and our large Jesus of Nazarene tree on the porch which are barely surviving in this heat. But I have just loved sitting out here. As soon as I got up this morning I fixed my coffee, came out here, sat, and made some phone calls.

I'm loving the porch as I sit here and make this post.

Firefly Lane

Holy Cow. I read that book in 2 days. When I finished the last chapter I was on my living room floor, crying my eyes out (sounds more pathetic than it really was. Christina said she would have made fun of me if she saw me like that). Here is Barnes & Noble's Synopsis of the book.

In the turbulent summer of 1974, Kate Mularkey has accepted her place at the bottom of the eighth-grade social food chain. Then, to her amazement, the “coolest girl in the world” moves in across the street and wants to be her friend. Tully Hart seems to have it all---beauty, brains, ambition. On the surface they are as opposite as two people can be: Kate, doomed to be forever uncool, with a loving family who mortifies her at every turn. Tully, steeped in glamour and mystery, but with a secret that is destroying her. They make a pact to be best friends forever; by summer’s end they’ve become TullyandKate. Inseparable.

So begins Kristin Hannah’s magnificent new novel. Spanning more than three decades and playing out across the ever-changing face of the Pacific Northwest, Firefly Lane is the poignant, powerful story of two women and the friendship that becomes the bulkhead of their lives.

From the beginning, Tully is desperate to prove her worth to the world. Abandoned by her mother at an early age, she longs to be loved unconditionally. In the glittering, big-hair era of the eighties, she looks to men to fill the void in her soul. But in the buttoned-down nineties, it is television news that captivates her. She will follow her own blind ambition to New York and around the globe, finding fame and success . . . and loneliness.

Kate knows early on that her life will be nothing special. Throughout college, she pretends to be driven by a need for success, but all she really wantsis to fall in love and have children and live an ordinary life. In her own quiet way, Kate is as driven as Tully. What she doesn’t know is how being a wife and mother will change her . . . how she’ll lose sight of who she once was, and what she once wanted. And how much she’ll envy her famous best friend. . . .

For thirty years, Tully and Kate buoy each other through life, weathering the storms of friendship---jealousy, anger, hurt, resentment. They think they’ve survived it all until a single act of betrayal tears them apart . . . and puts their courage and friendship to the ultimate test.

Firefly Lane is for anyone who ever drank Boone’s Farm apple wine while listening to Abba or Fleetwood Mac. More than a coming-of-age novel, it’s the story of a generation of women who were both blessed and cursed by choices. It’s about promises and secrets and betrayals. And ultimately, about the one person who really, truly knows you---and knows what has the power to hurt you . . . and heal you. Firefly Lane is a story you’ll never forget . . . one you’ll want to pass on to your best friend.


So not only am I suggesting you read this book, I am COMMANDING you read it. Go. Now. Order it. Read it. Pass it on.

I did it again

I did it again. I went and added to my list of books that I have yet to read but really want to read in the near future. I can't help it. Here is the list below. Nothing like a good book to read by the pool or at the beach...


A MUST READ. I got this book Sunday and I will finish it by Tuesday morning. Jen Lancaster is HILARIOUS. You should google her other books (Bitter is the New Black; Bright Lights, Big A**; Such a Pretty Fat). I highly recommend her.


It's a movie now with Cameron Diaz. However, I am a firm believer that you should read the book then see the movie. I like to compare.


Heard some good things about this book and author so I thought I would give it a try. I'll let you know.

Summa-Summa-Summatime

Wow. Another year or teaching under my belt. I really cannot believe that this year is done. I know many people say that but geez it feels like just yesterday they were comnig in to register for school.

I made a photostory for my students and their parents. When I was showing it on honor's day I started crying. If anyone knows my class, that person is probably thinking "You cried over those students?" Many times I heard teachers say, "There is a reason that child is in your class because our personalities would NOT click." And it's true--they wouldn't have clicked with that student. But I came to really love these students. I don't know what it was about them. Maybe it's because they got my humor and quick wit. Maybe it was because I saw so many of them really grow up over the year. Maybe it's because they taught me how to be a better teacher in some ways and that it's ok to laugh at the small or big things. I know I can really say with honesty that it has been a great year.

Ok, now that school is done, what am I going to do? For the last 180 days my time has been consumed and revolved around 22 eight year olds. It's almost like empty nest syndrome. Well for starters, I slept in today. Whoo-hoo! And then I fixed me a cup of coffee and enjoyed my waffles. I have some things planned for this summer (working at Sylvan Learning Center and tutoring 2 of my students from this past year). But I have decided to make a LIST.

-Clean CLEAN my room and make my bed daily.
-Give Josie a bath weekly. (Steena is going to love this)
-Garage Yard Sale Hoppin (Mine and Steena's new obsession.)
-POOL IT!
-Make it to the beach at least 2 times a month.
-Get back to some work out kind of plan
-Save my money.
-Work and reorganize my classroom
-Make a trip to see Heather
-Finish decorating my apartment

I will add things to this list. Any suggestions for what I should do over the summer? What are you doing??

SPRING CLEANING!

My name is Jessica and I teach third grade in Spartanburg, South Carolina. My elementary school is a rural school that brings in a lot of country kids with some city kids. Our school is currently undergoing a major overhaul. We added on 2 wings to our school. With over 800 students from K to 5th grade we are busting at the seams. We have added at least 4 more classrooms, another computer lab and a science lab (which I am the most excited about). We have extended our cafeteria by adding a stage, added an extra music room, and another gym storage unit. This will increase student learning but there are more opportunities to move about the school and more hands on activities for our students. Our students will take pride in our school because it's a new and exciting thing happening in our school. Not only are all these additions happening but some grade levels are switching halls. This means that all teachers are having to clean and pack up their belongings before the last day of school (which is Thursday). I have heard many teachers complaining about moving and cleaning out(especially those that have been teaching for 30+ years). I agree that it does stink that this is one more task you have to take care of before summer break but I do believe that half the teachers DO need to clean out their closet and their junk they no longer need. When I moved into my classroom I found items from the 70's stuck at the back of the closet (visit old Facebook photo albums from last summer-you'll see what I'm talking about). I believe mid-year and end of the year teachers need to clean out. Clean out the closets, clean out the cabinets, and clean out the desks. Weekly my students clean out their desks (it's amazing the things they find). When a classroom is clean and organized, the students are more organized and take more pride in the classroom. When a classroom is less cluttered, students are more able to focus and operate. Switch up the seating and movement in the classroom. I have noticed that this makes students more flexible and adjust better to last minute changes because we all know that almost always happens in a classroom. Bottom line-a cleaner organized classroom means a better way of learning.

A Good Note

No erasers and paper napkins were consumed today by an unmedicated child. That's a positive thing right?

ARE Children Well-Behaved?

I currently read a post on NC teacher's of the year blog post. She blogged about US children misbehaving and where this behavior might come from. Of course, she mentioned media...DUH. Obviously the media has a HUGE influence on how our children act.

The girls in my classroom idolize Miley Cirus and any other Disney teenage girl. They sing their songs a recess, repeat their statements, snap and sass their fingers just like they do. This comes from the drive to be like these girls on the Disney Channel. As for my boys, I'm not sure I would say they idolize Miley or any other boys on the Disney channel. They may...but they won't admit it. Theirs is more of a "cool" image in front of others, and well, just not being able to control themselves.

The past couple of weeks have been horrid at school. My students have been bouncing off the walls and backsliding. I'm thinking to myself, "Am I backsliding? Is it me? Am I slacking on my discipline?" I follow throw with my consequences. Part of me wants to say, "Ok that's it. Let's call the office to come get you." But another part of me wants to say, "No. Work with this child. What is the office going to do?" I'm not saying I don't trust the office following through with the discipline because they do but sometimes I think there are somethings I should handle in the classroom before I send them away with the pink slip.

A question I have always had was, "Are the parents following through with their discipline at home?" I have a parent that says, "let me know and I'll handle the situation at home. You tell me if anything happens and I'll take care of it." I call the parent, let them be aware of the discipline and action that happened expecting the child to be somewhat regretful from the previous days actions. But sometimes they come in the next morning like nothing happened. This really frustrates me. I build my classroom with parent communication and always put this point across during Registration Day: "I need to know we're a team. We need to work TOGETHER to make this year SUCCESSFUL. If I don't have you BEHIND ME, we cannot be BEHIND your child. I'll do my part from 7:30 AM to 2:30 PM. Then I need you to take over." I get many nods and "Oh yes, Ms. Castro. I agree." BAH. Whatever. This year I had to be pretty blunt with my parents. I hate calling parents. I rather e-mail because I can think of my words. But I've had to come out in teacher conferences and say, "I'm sorry ma'am, but he is lying to you. That did not happen" or "Do you realize that she yelled and spit in my face? Is this going on at home?"


I'm just seriously getting close to the end of my string because it's the end of the year. I pray everyday for patience...or I do at least when I'm having to close my eyes and count to 10 before I explode.

I question a lot of parents...not only in my classroom but in general. There are some amazing parents out there. I have seen students come from these parents and I would say my parents did a pretty decent job with me. But then there are some parents where I sit and think, "What do you do with your child during the week? Could you tell me at least 5 of his spelling words? What mutliplication fact is your child struggling with? What unit are we studying in Social Studies? Did she tell you your 6 vocabulary words today in a sentence? When was the last time you read with your child for 20 minutes? Do you what upsets your child or what is making him so angry lately?"

Some parents could spit these answers off in less than 30 seconds. Then I know there are some that would have to scratch their head and say, "You know, I'm not quite sure..." I realize that some of my parents are single parents working 1 or 2 jobs, going back to school and working and I know it is crazy. But this is your child's education. This is your child's behavior. Follow through with actions. Follow through with discipline. Ask questions. Spend 15 minutes with your child before they go to bed. Such simple steps can make the BIGGEST difference in the classroom.

If I were a parent I would...
-awake my child an 45 minutes to an hour before we have to go to school.
-feed my child breakfast.
-give medicine if needed.
-make sure my child has their bookbag and they are prepared.
-say one positive thing to my child before they get out of the car.
-let their teacher beware of anything stressful going on at home (it's ok to share! we don't judge! well, we try not to but we'll be understanding)
-pick them up from school at a reasonable hour
-ask about their day and not just accept "It was good" statement.
-not only ASK but CHECK their folder and bookbag for homework and important notes
-help with homework.
-read for 20 minutes with my child
-eat dinner at the table
-make them go outside to play. limit video games
-BATHE.
-tuck into bed by 9 PM. no tv in the room.
-kiss goodnight.

The "Ology" of Jess

Stole from Jed...of course.

FOOD-OLOGY

What is your salad dressing of choice?
Itailian. And Jed was right-Kan Pai

What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?
PF Changs or Maggianos.

What food could you eat for 2 weeks straight and not get sick of?
Evidently Pizza. I've been devouring pizza lately.

What are your pizza toppings of choice?
Depends on my mood: Pepperoni, Mushrooms, Onions OR Sun dried tomatoes, feta, and spinach.

What do you like to put on your toast?
grape jelly or lots of butter

TECHNOLOGY

How many televisions are in your house?
3

What color cell phone do you have?
silver gray

What does the first text message in your inbox say and who sent it?
"Ok Sounds good" -Josh

Who was the last person to call you?
Heather

BIOLOGY

Are you right-handed or left-handed?
right

Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
nope

What is the last heavy item you lifted?
my cello case. man alive i'm glad i live on the 2nd floor

BOLOGNA-OLOGY

If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
No

If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
Elana.

DUMB-OLOGY

How many pairs of flip flops do you own?
Not sure. Maybe 5 or so?

Last time you had a run-in with the cops?
Last Saturday 2:30 AM. Well, we didn't have a run in but I called them so they could have a run in with the people below us

Last person you talked to in person:
Steena

Favorite Month?
January!

CURRENT-OLOGY

Missing someone?
My Josie Bella

Mood?
exhausted. that mood between tired but too restless to sleep

What are you listening to?
Private Practice

Watching?
Private Practice

Worrying about?
This weekend.

RANDOM-OLOGY

What’s the last movie you watched?
Random ones but the latest has been "He's Just Not That Into You"

Do you smile often?
I try

Do you always answer your phone?
No

It’s four in the morning and you get a text message, who is it?
Steena.

If you could change your eye color what would it be?
BLUE!! Geez I always thought a girl with brown hair and blue eyes is gorgeous

What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic?
Cherry.

Do you own a digital camera?
Yes....that's dumb

Have you ever had a pet fish?
Yes still alive. Josh "won" it at the state fair in 2007. Still kicking.

Favorite Christmas song?
Oh Holy Night and Mary Did You Know

What’s on your wish list for your birthday?
GPS or Sat. Radio

Can you do push ups?
heck no. that's the one thing at the gym that i could NOT do no matter how hard i tired

Can you do a chin up?
heck no

Does the future make you more nervous or excited?
Both

Do you have any saved texts?
yep. 110. just deletes and erases automatically.

Ever been in a car wreck?
No

Do you have an accent?
I sure do. It's the reason why I can't speak Spanish properly.

What is the last song to make you cry?
God of this City. And the Revelation Song

Plans tonight?
I've gone and accomplished a 2 hr Orchestra Practice. I'm pooped.

Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom?
Oooo yeah.

Name 3 things you bought today?
Smoothie, Coffee, Biscuit.

Have you ever been given roses?
Yessss

Met someone who changed your life?
I Love Jebus and he makes me smile. And the ones I love change my life daily.

What song represents you?
Swan Dive by Sister Hazel

Name three people who might copy this.
Laura, Whito, and...that's it.

What were you doing 12 AM last night?
Sleeeeeping

What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
Ok it's 6:30. I need to leave 7 AM. What does NOT need ironing? COFFEE!

Mission: In Progress

Misson: "Evict 10 person family of Mexicans living below us that play Flamingco music Thursday at 7 PM til 3 AM Sunday while shooting fireworks inside the apartment while dealing pot on the porch" is in effect.

Will update as more events unfold this week.

First Monday Morning

Last night before I went to bed I was worried that I wasn't going to get up in time in the morning to make it to school. When I lived with mom, I was literally only a mile away from work. But now I'm 15 minutes away from work.

I set my alarm at 5:30 to wake up but I didn't get up till 5:50. One thing I don't like about the apartment is that I have to put Josie on a leash and walk her around the apartments till she does her business. And considering the pot-smoking mexicans living below us, I have to be on guard at all times...especially in the dark.

Well, I'm half a sleep, in my robe, with my phone in hand, ready to dial 911 if anyone attacks me. We're walking around the courtyard, shuffling along, when I hear...

"OOOOOOHHHHH MYYYYYY"

And I jump about 10 feet in the air. One of our downstairs neighbor was on her balcony (why at 5:50 AM I have no clue) and saw Josie. She then preceded to tell me how small and cute Josie was and just had to get a better look at her.

Goooood gracious. Do you think next time you could NOT scare me out of my skin like that???

Oh, and I made it in PLENTY of time to work. I got to work in 15 minutes, and had plenty of time to get my stuff done before the kids came in. GO ME.

Moving

Moving = Exhaustion.

We moved Friday to our new apartment in Duncan. I was so excited that morning. I kept jumping on the bed until Josh woke up. Then I screamed/sang "Rise and Shine..Give God the GLORY GLORY" to Christina and Will at 8 AM. Needless to say, I was PUMPED.

Well that died at like 12. We got Christina's stuff moved (mind you, she was not packed when we arrived) and stopped to eat at "The Crack" (Cracker Barrell. Apparently that's what Duncan people call it). We decided to call to tell the apartment people we were on our way...well I'm glad we did. We got to the apartments, signed our lease and OH! The office people can't find the apartment keys. Hmmm...I wonder where they would be? Oh that's right...the maintenance people have them because our apartment was still being FREAKIN CLEANED. The walls were wet from fresh paint, they were about to steam clean the carpet so we couldn't move in for 3 more hours.

We were NOT happy. So we talked to the people, and they gave us another apartment. By the time all that got situated out, it was after 3. (And they gave us our first month free)

Grrrr...

Came back here, to grab my stuff (Thank the Lord for Blake and Mandy) and we dumped my stuff finally at the apartment.

In the midst of all of this, I had to call Duke to get the power switched (and you know that cannot be just a 2 minute phone call) and call Charter to get our address switched. They were scheduled to come Friday on move in day to hook the cable up. But because we switched apartments, they had to place a whole new order which means no cable and internet until Tuesday.

Grrrr....

3 more trips to Wal-Mart, a trip to Bed Bath and Beyond (which I'll have to return that stuff now), Target and Dollar Tree I was dun-zo Saturday.

But I couldn't help but feel a little homesick. Holly said that was normal since my apartment isn't quite "home" yet.

We still have so much to do. We need more stuff for the living room but I'm out of money right now. I didn't want Josh to leave this afternoon because it's lonely at the apartment with no tv, internet...nothing to entertain me. (So, sorry darlin for being a jerk today.) I guess I could go to the fitness center and work out and run to watch my shows...

The good thing is that Lo is literally a mile away from me now and Mandy/Blake are maybe 10 minutes from me. So I do have friends in Duncan.

On another note, I'm here at Mom's drying towels and doing laundry because our dryer doesn't work. That's something else we gotta figure out.

Just think...I gotta do all of this a year from now...oooho joy.

The Final Deal

Tomorrow the divorce is final.

This battle has been going on for over a year now.

It's surreal.

I'm not sure what to think. Or what to say. I love my dad. I always will. I love him regardless of his actions. Josh's mom once told me, "Jess. There's a difference between accepting what your dad has done and approving of what he's done. You have to accept that what your dad has done is wrong. There's nothing you can change it. And you can't forgive your dad until you can accept it. Now, you don't have to approve of what your dad has done. And you probably never will. But until you learn the difference between accepting and approving, you won't be able to move on."

And she was so right. She probably told me that this past summer. And it has taken me about 6 months to finally understand what she meant. I haven't spoken to my dad since last February because I was so angry with him and hut. And I have finally gotten to the point where I think I can stomach a conversation with him. Now, it's not our old normal regular convos where it's full blown "Hey, this is what's happening, this is what's going on." It's more of, "Hey, how are you? Good. Talk to you later" kind of deal. I've learned to accept what dad has done. I can't change it. My mom can't change it, no matter how much she wishes she could change it. No one can change it. But we can't move on until we accept and acknowledge dad's actions. I've come to terms with reality. I've realized how deep love can hurt and how strong love can be. Dad hurt us deeply. But I realized after a year that I still love my dad, no matter what. Nothing can take away the things he has done for me and he still does for me. Nothing can take him away. I still believe that there are 2 different men living inside my dad. The man that I knew growing up and loving. Then there's a man that is being controlled by worldy things.

My mom, bless her heart, is a strong good woman. I don't think she realizes this enough. I hate and hurt to see her go through this tomorrow. But I know she's going to get through. I tell her this, but she doesn't see it. I want to tell her, "Mom. Look at your other friends. Look at your divorced or widowed friends. Are they living in a ditch? Are they a mad house mess? No. They are doing fine!" She has come such a long away and I'm so proud of her. She tells me, "You don't understand. You never will." And I don't understand what she's going through. I was without Josh for 2 weeks and that was the hardest 2 weeks of MY LIFE. So no, I could imagine what she's going through. But what I can imagine is a better life for her. A life that is built on trust, strength, honesty, integrity, love, good morals, and a God that showers love and blessings on her that will be never ending. I guess that's just me being my opptimistic self. I want the best for my mom, and this is the best. God would not and has not forsaken her during this time. If anything, God is even more present now in her life and relationship. Why would a God of love and strength leave a woman who has served Him all her life? He wouldn't. Why would God put a woman through what my mom has gone through and going through? Because we are humans. We live in a world of sin. And our sin and consequences affects and hurts everyone, even Christians. In the Bible, it quotes that we are put through times of trials and tribulation to produce character and endurance and strength. Wow. What a better way to go through a trial and hardships than this?

I firmly believe that there is a better reason and purpose for my mom's life. And my life too for that matter. My mom has a lot of fears of being alone. My greatest prayer for her is that she realizes that she isn't alone. I have no more words or actions to say or prove to her that she isn't alone. She may be alone physcially but she has more love and friends and family than any other 55 year old woman I know. I pray that I have that when I'm her age! What a blessing that is for her!

This blog has turned into a letter to her pretty much. I don't even know if she reads my blog. I just want her to know that even though I'm moving, she still can't get rid of me. I will always be there for her.

Just remember my family the rest of the week as we jump this one more hurdle. Pray for strength and love for my mom. Pray for my sanity and that I have the right words to say for my mom tomorrow. Pray for my mom's friends as they comfort her. She has a great group of friends and I'm so glad that they are there to encourage her.

“Love knows no limit to its endurance, no end to its trust, no fading of its hope; it can outlast anything. Love still stands when all else has fallen.”

"Each time we face our fear, we gain strength, courage, and confidence in the doing.”

Straight Up Annoyed

I have been in one mood lately. And I haven't been able to put my finger on what kind of mood I've been in.

Stressed? Yes...but that's not all it.

Depressed? Somewhat...but I have my reasons to. Like, Mom and Dad's divorce final trial being Wednesday.

Exhausted? Of course. That's every week.

Overworked? Duh.

Then, while I was taking a shower it hit me: I am straight up annoyed.

And I mean, I am annoyed at the smallest things.

I am annoyed that my legs are super dry and itchy.
I am annoyed that Josh got to go out and have fun last night.
I am annoyed that I am working and cleaning today by myself.
I am annoyed that my mom is drepressed and negative about everything.
I am annoyed that I haven't had a full weekend with Josh since...Geez, I don't know since when.
I GET annoyed when mom says, "You just don't understand. You never will." Whatev.
I am annoyed that my hair is too long.
I am annoyed that I have a zit that REFUSES to go away.
I am annoyed at every little sarcasim joke that is thrown my way. Normally I can diss it out but lately I have not been in the mood.
I am annoyed that the IRS is on my case.
I am annoyed that Josie still craps on the guest bedroom bed.

And I could go on. But I'll stop. For right now, those are just things I've encountered today. Those things have started out little, turned into frustration, then to annoyance.

The plus is that this annoyance to everything has led to accomplish many tasks in 1 day! Like, donating 20 books to the library (Dead Serious), donating 4 boxes of clothes to the thrift store, hauling out 3 bags of trash (I have 3 more bags in the basement), Cleaning and Packing my dresser and chest drawers, cleaning the bathroom, doing laundry and right now that's it. In about an hour I'm going to tackle my closet--my big final project.

So I guess there is an upside to every downside.

Twosies to relieve my Woozies.

Hahah gay but funny.

two things you love
1. reading
2. napping

two things you hate
1. interruptions
2. hot sleepness nights

two best friends
1. Josh
2. Steena/Mer/Heat. It's a toss up.

two best memories
1. Seeing Josh for the first time after being in South American for 3 weeks
2. Winthrop

two regrets
1. making rash decisions
2. procrastinating

two favorite music artists
1. sister hazel
2. brad paisley

two good songs
1. this kind of live (acoustic)
2. amazing grace

two good movies
1. Madea movies
2. Can't Buy Me Love

two good actor/actresses
1. Reese Witherspoon
2. Brad Pitt (typical I know)

two things you watch on tv
1. Scrubs
2. Greys/Private Practice

two good books
1. Any book by Jen Lancaster
2. Any book by Emily Giffen

two things in your room
1. 10 pairs of Danskos
2. jewelry

two questions you want answered
1. Am I really going to pay the government that much?
2. Will my parents ever agree?

two things that could be better
1. The Weather
2. the economy

two things you wish you could do
1. Better my cello skills
2. Travel freely

two good things about summer
1. no school
2. lazy days

two bad things about summer
1. hottness
2. bordem

two things other people should know about you
1. I stress too easily
2. I'm a Google Addict

two things you are constantly told
1. You stress too much.
2. You're burps are disgusting.

two things you look forward to
1. Moving
2. Paying off student loans

two current thoughts
1. Can I pack all of this in 1 weekend?
2. Did I screw up?

Will I Ever Ben Caught Up?

My feet have hit the ground this week and I have not stopped running. It has been nonstop.

First of all, I'm moving out in less than 2 weeks. This is way sooner than what I had originally planned. So it's been a whirlwind around here. Cleaning and packing. More cleaning. This weekend will entail more packing. While I'm super excited, it has been really overwhelming.

Secondly, I just coughed up $400 at the eye doctor for new contacts, glasses, and an eye exam. Joy right? The plus is that I got some neato new classes and because of my insurance I saved over $300. So I keep telling myself that's a positive.

Next, my loans for school will not be here till May because we had to move back our start date for the classes which totally bites because I was ready to start ASAP. So this is just more dwindling. It's probably a good thing the start date got pushed back because this will give me more time to settle into the apartment.

Also, I am being audited by the IRS. My fault and I'm paying for it. WONDERFUL.

I just keep telling myself, "Calm down. It will be ok. You will pull through this." I am trying to put some money aside in savings up front so I'm not freaking out in a few weeks about moving. I've been trying to live by my "10-10-80." 10% is tithing, 10% savings, 80% live off of. Man that is hard. I know money shouldn't consume my life but it can be challenging when that's what you depend on.

I had this stressed look on my face today. Robin (my mentor) said, "What's wrong hunny? You look stressed." And I said, "I am not ready financially for all of this." She replied, "Girl, you never will be."

And I'm starting to believe she's right. There is always something that's going to come up. More student loans, debt, payments, this, that, the IRS. Geez. But I look back at when I was in college. I was living off $300-400 a month. That was ROUGH. My one pay check now would equal my money for 4 months in college. I know I should be grateful that I have a job and I can pay my bills. It just gets really overwhelming sometimes for me. But does it ever stop being overwhelming?

Then I start thinking about the future. Josh hates it when I do this. But I start to think-Ok. If I already have this "x" amount of money in student loans and he has this "x" amount this would be put at "xxxx" amount of debt when we get married. Then I just want to fall over and die.

On another note, there's a $200 comforter set I want from Bed, Bath, and Beyond. Geezzz I want it so badly. Can I budget it?? It's a really good deal. Especially with a coupon.

do you ever feel really overwhelmed with money? do you have any advice????

Couples Survey

Ok I know I should do a real blog. But I have been exhausted and just cleaned out my "corner" of the basement. I will post and blog about that later. But for now, here's this. (I'm doing it without Josh because he would think this is totally dumb)

What are your middle names?
Steven and Pilar

How long have you been together?
2 yrs May 25!

How old are each of you?
Both 24. I'm 2 weeks older.

How long did you know each other before you started dating?
None. Our first date was the first night we met and we've been together since. Well, I take that back. We talked on the phone for about a month or so before our first date.

Who asked who out?
Josh asked Jess out. Kinda.

How long did it take to get serious?
It took me longer to get more serious than Josh. Josh was ready for a bigger commitment than I was. But after moving back home and leaving Josh, I was ready.

Are you from the same home town?
No

Whose siblings do you see the most?
Probably Joshs since we never know when my brother is going to grace us with his presence. But I consider Holly and India sisters so we see them a lot on the weekends too.

Do you have any children together?
Big negative.

What about pets?
Josie Bella, our Chorkie!

Did you go to the same school?
Nope

Who is the most sensitive?
Me of course. Josh won't admit it, but I've seen that sensitive side before. Such a turn-on (dead serious).

Where do you eat out most as a couple?
Firehouse, Outback, Bojangles. Our new obession is PF Changs and Jason's Deli. Lately we've been at Gators, but against our will.

Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
Jacksonville, FL

Who has the worst temper?
Josh. Lord help us. When he gets caught up in something and stressed it takes it to the way extreme, which turns in to pouty moods.

Who does the cooking?
We both do.

Who is more social?
Used to be me but we're pretty even now. Josh has came out more.

Who is the neat freak?
Josh

Who is the most stubborn?
we are both extremely stubborn.

Who hogs the bed?
Josh. and Josie. There's no hope with both of them in the bed together.

Who wakes up earlier?
Me. Those 5:30 AM wake up calls during the week stick with me on the weekends most of the time.

Where was your first date?
T-Bonz on the River in Gastonia. Then Sammy's Pub till 2 AM. Then back to the parking lot for convo til 3 AM.

Who has the bigger family?
Josh has a bigger immediate family, I have a larger extended family.

How do you spend the holidays?
traveling and I hate it. We have 2 Thanksgivings, and 3 Christmases.

Do you get flowers often?
No but when he does give flowers he gives big time (i.e. my BEAUTIFUL orchids for Valentine's Day delivered to school)

Who eats more?
Josh

Who sings better?
I sing all the time, don't know if Josh cares for it. But I know Josh has a voice inside of him that he is just WAITING to let out.

Who does the laundry?
We do our own since we live in seperate places. But Josh does better at keeping up wih his.

Who’s better with the computer?
Josh

Who drives when you are together?
Depends. If we're in SPTBG, I drive. If we're in Gastonia, Josh drives.

Who picks where you go to dinner?
It's a collective decision. We decide together...it's an hour process sometimes.

Who is the first one to admit when they’re wrong?
Probably me just to end the fight and be done with it. And just to drop whatever the problem is.

Who eats more sweets?
Me...definitely. That has not been a big quality Josh admires in me.

Who cries more?
Me

1. Where is your cell phone? jacket
2. Your significant other? Joshie
3. Your hair? dry
4. Your mother? crazy
5. Your father? douche
6. Your favorite thing? reading
7. Your dream last night? nothing
8. Your favorite drink? diet coke
9. Your dream/goal? live
10. What room you are in? classroom
11. Your hobby? reading
12. Your fear? failure
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? moved
14. Where were you last night? Candice's
15. Muffins? love
17. Wish list item? ring
18. Where you grew up? SC
19. Last thing you did? teach
20. What are you wearing? skirt
21. Your TV? off
22. Your pets? hyper
23. Friends? different
24. Your life? good
25. Your mood? tired
26. Missing someone? yes
27. Car? Honda
28. Something you're not wearing? glasses
29. Your favorite store? Gap Outlet (there's a difference)
30. Your favorite color? black
33. When is the last time you laughed? today
34. Last time you cried? Tuesday
35. Who will resend this? none
36. One place that I go to over and over? bed :)
37. One person who emails me regularly? Facebook
38. My favorite place to eat? Pizza Inn
39. Why you participated in this survey? bored
40. What are you doing tonight? planning

It's official

I'm going to my grave early.

Between my job and the stress it brings...

to my insane family that makes me twitch...

to my boyfriend who is so stubborn it's almost impossible to NOT love him (if you know what I mean)...

I'm going to lose it.

I swear I have found 2 new gray hairs on my head. And Lisa just keeps on pulling them out. Maybe that's why they're multiplying and I keep finding more.

It it wasn't for

the laughs we have at work after school and faculty meetings...

to the "wholesome" love and talks from my family...

to the same understanding and love from my boyfriend...

I would be up at the Mental Health Department filling out an application.

Can You Hear Me??

What the mess. I've lost my voice. I thought I was coming down with strep because 4 of my students have had strep in the last 2 weeks. BOOO. But I was a good little girl and had our school nurse check me out. (Nurse Beth rocks by the way because she keeps a stash of meds her cabinet for us) She said it didn't look like strep but to rest my voice. Ha. Yeah right. All I've done today was talk, and then try to talk even louder so my students could hear me. Awful. Insane.

On another note, I'm hoping to move out with Steena soon. Hopefully by the spring. Don't get me wrong. I love my mom and we've had some good times but it's time for me to scoot along. Steena and I are looking at apartments to see what we can find. Keep your fingers crossed!

I am excited about this weekend and it's not because it's Valentine's Day but because we're going to the beach!!! YEAH!! I'm praying that I will have overcome whatever I'm fighting by then.

Oh and I got this e-mail from Allie B in India. It totally made me laugh the other morning when I got it. :)

Subject: PYKA IS IN INDIA.
Body: So the other day, I thought I heard a cat screaming...HELLOOOO!!! like Pyka used to do when you didn't feed her in the mornings. Well, I just saw the devil of a cat and heard it screaming. Cats are really rare here, so it's odd that the one talking cat is in our neighborhood. Anyways, if you could send a gun over that would be great. Have a great day at school.

Allie, just know that God has sent you that Pyka sound a like cat for you to remember our great times together and all the memories you and Pyka shared. P.S. The gun is on the way.

I'm just totally rambling. I think I'm going to go find something to eat. If I can't talk, the least I can do is eat, right?

Junk in my trunk: A deep thought

Get your mind out of the gutter. I'm not talking about my big butt. I'm talking about "junk" from the past.

Every Christmas and some random Valentine's day holidays Mom will buy me a dating/marital book. In high school it was "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" and then "Boy Meets Girl." In college, it was "Captivating" and "Do You Think I'm Beautiful?" I loved all those books. And now I guess since Josh and I are getting serious and the "M" word is coming up more lately, she has been buying me marriage books such as "How Do I Know You're the One?" and "Happily Ever After." Granted, the latter of the books are a little bit more intense than I like so I'm having to read them a little bit at a time considering Josh and I are not engaged or married yet.

The other night I did read the first chapter of "Happily Ever After." It was entitled, "Where You Come From: Family History." My first thought was, "Oh great. We both have WONDERFUL family histories" (in my most sarcastic tone).

Now I type the next little bit with a disclaimer: If you are part of mine or Josh's family-this is nothing against you. I love both families equally. Josh's family has done everything to make me feel like part of theirs. From Bev to dotting on me giving me manicures, to Mark being the "father figure" when mine stepped out a year ago, to his brothers embracing me in big hugs, to Victoria making me feel like a sister...and the list could go on.

It talked about how when you marry you are marrying the parents, the aunts and uncles, grandparents, and everyone else that comes along with the tote. When Josh marries me, he is marrying into 70 close family and friends--no lie. And I with him. And we both love each other's families, well I at least hope he loves mine. But our families are different and it's obvious. We're so similar at the same time. It's a blessing in disguise.

Bound to Repeat it: If you know me and my family, you know I am spitting image of my father and grandfather--inside and out. From the thick black hair, to the love to read and explore new land, to our silence and smart mouths when we're upset. I've always laughed about how similar I was to my dad and grandfather but Josh has pointed out to me in the last 2 years of our relationship that those qualities can be harmful to our relationship. I used to not open up about feelings. I would journal. Think about it. Pray about it. THEN I would come to you when I was ready to talk. Josh has taught me to be more open about things. Talk to him--COMMUNICATE, which is hard when I'm upset with him. Even Bev, Josh's mom, will ask questions point blank that just seems to open up a whole conversation flow. I hope I have qualities that he finds HELPFUl to our relationship. I wonder what those are?

And Josh has qualities that I struggle with that remind me so much of my dad, too (as much as I hate to say it). My dad was always tight with money. He didn't spend it unless it was something he wanted or if it was a Christmas gift. If I borrowed money and said I would have it back by some "x" date, on that date, he would be expecting his money back (which was good because it taught me money management and repsonsibility at a young age). Josh is like that. When he wants to spend, he'll spend. But when he doesn't, he puts the reigns on, and breaks down every penny in his checking account and make it sound like he's going to be homeless in the next 2 weeks. This drives me crazy. Do you know anyone like that? I'm not a big spender (I do have my weaknesses) but it is a reflection. but then Josh reminds me of his mom too. He has that tender side like Bev does. When he wants to be sweet and considerate (which he is most of the time), he is just like Bev.

Those qualities have so much with your past. And I don't think realize those things until you are married and living together. Toben Heim (the author) said,
One way or another, you'll discover all kinds of things about each other that stern from your past, your story. That is so true. I LOATHE vaccuming. Actually, I hate the vaccum cleaner that goes with it and the "response" from my mom when cleaning. Josh has soooo picked up on this. He'll make the comment, "Go ahead and vaccum but don't put it up because you'll have to redo it again. Then that will turn into a yelling match between you and your mom." Am I going to resent Josh when he tries to help me clean? Am I going to automatically burst when Josh points out something that I need to do because that's how I reacted to my mom?

At the end of the chapter it has questions that you can discuss with your significant other. Alot of those are the basics, "How many children do you plan to have?...How are you going to split up the chores in the house?...What are boundaries you need to set as a couple with your family?" The first question stood out to me: How has your family influenced your view of marriage? Bull's eye. Bingo. That one question I struggle with daily.

Josh's parents divorced when he was young. Both of them have remarried. While both families are very different, they show love to Josh is different ways. Bev and Mark choose to show it in verbal "discussions" about random weird things, cooked dinners, car parts, and other things. Josh's dad, Bruce, and stepmom, Karen, show it through a game of poker and lending us poker chips when our stack is getting low. Both very different set of parents but have shaped Josh so much. It has shaped his view of marriage too. We haven't talked a whole lot about marriage and how we view it. But comments have been made from him that make me go, "Hmmmm..." or "ahaa..."

Then I look at my parent's relationship. It's still a tender cut and it probably will be for a long time. I watched for almost 23 years my parents love and raise a family in a good home. I watched them make sacrifices and battle through some pretty nasty things, including my mom the most. When dad left last January, it was hard. I knew when he left, he was leaving for good and never coming back. He was done with this lifestyle that they had worked so hard on building. I watched my mom fight with every ounce in her body to have him back, then learn she needed to let him go and deal with the pain. This put up a big wall in my relationship with Josh. I often thought the first months of my parent's seperation, "If my own FATHER can leave me, betray my mom and family, and lie for God knows how long--the first man I ever loved--how do I know that Josh isn't going to the same to me?" I mean I was paranoid. I lost all trust in Josh, a guy that I had no reason to lose trust in because he has done nothing but be faithful to me. I would check Josh's facebook and myspace, look at the smallest details, and be shaking with nerves by the end of the night, on the phone with Lauren, Candice, or Meredith in tears. What had happened to me? Josh had done nothing. What is wrong with me? Thoughts kept going back to my dad and what he did. Gone was that relationship for a while--what about mine and Josh's?

Then Josh replied with, "I would never do that to you because I am not my father nor your father. I always said I would never grow up to be that kind of man."

And he's right. All in all, he is not like my father. Yes in some ways I do see some resemblance but I love him. I love my dad still...alot. And I yern for that relationship which has made me cling to Josh even more and his stepdad, which he has stepped up to that roll. The loves of my life...geez.

I think sometimes, "Ha. If Josh saw this coming, would he still be around?" Yeah he would be. I'm glad that we were together when things went haywire. Could you imagine me explaing all of this to someone who wasn't here from the beginning? "Hey, nice to meet you. By the way, before we get into this relationship, I have a love/hate relationship with my mom...my dad and I don't speak because he tarnished the image of marriage and trust and I can't forgive him. Are you willing to date me?"

Josh has seen all the good and bad. And I've seen some of his good and bad. Wow. If the first chapter of this book made me think and write this much, I can't imagine what the next chapter is going to be.

I told you my next blog was going to be a killer.

I will update...

Soon. The new year has been insane.

And I've had a lot of thoughts going through my head...just things reminding me of the previous year...

It's gonna be a killer when I do blog.

But for right now, here is what I'm currently doing INSTEAD of blogging...
-Applying to Grad School
-Finishing my "2 week unit" to give to Mr. B BY FRIDAY
-Being OBSERVED by ADEPT evaluators
-Starting my new financial plan "20-20-80." Ask if you're curious.
-Getting rid of fleas on Josie. Yeck.
-Filling out FAFSA. Who knew I would be doing THAT again?
-Planning my new few weekend trips.
-Gym every other day with a 5:30 AM walk 4 days a week
-Trying to figure out where my next flipchart is going to come from or be rather.

And oh yeah, trying to catch some sleep.

Is anyone else overwhelmed like me???